Final Thoughts, Week 16 Predictions
By Hags
by Hags
Week 15. Wow. Seems like just yesterday I had used the liquid of the gods to enter the spirit world and was in a hot tub talking about prowess. Actually, that was yesterday. However, I recall another such occasion and making a bet, the exact details of that bet still in litigation, and life was different. Funny what 4 months can do. Never in my wildest dreams did I think Cannibals was going to escape sacko. But here we are…
Note: all predictions were made with pre-Friday lines prior to Friday games
9th Place Game: #11 AI Takeover (-1) vs #12 Boston Clamjammers
Robo vs Clam is the 2–11 battle of the titans. Normally I’d say Robo’s final experience of his woeful season would fit as a loss, but one of Clam’s boys isn’t going to be fit to play come Sunday. Scary Terry will let Clam down, and Robo slides in for the win.
Robo covers.
5th Place Game, Leg 2: #5 Schrodinger’s Cat (+54) vs #6 Bedwetters
Chod’s looking at a big gap to cover to earn his #5 spot in the league. To add insult to injury, this is easily the 3rd worst guy for Chod to lose to, after Pigeon (1st worst) and Mamba (2nd worst). Piss can barely keep a team of players on the field, and here he is, about to finish off our dear chod.
Piss wins. Chod covers the spread.
7th Place Game, 2nd leg: #7 PLOW (+14) vs #8 Cannibals
Delicious 7th place matchup between our league sweethearts, Plow and Chow. YUMY has turned in remarkably few characters this year, presumably because his unremarkable performance hasn’t left much for him to add. Plow has also been quiet of late, after a steep fall from grace in 2020.
Plow wins, beats the spread
3rd Place Game: #2 Sea Hags (+2) vs #4 the_white_mamba
This is sad. I mean, literally and figuratively sad. Mamba, ever the sweaty meat log in manform, oozed his way back to relevance in the last few weeks of the year, only to be dashed upon the rocks of the bird person. That was our figurative. Literally, Hags has become the saddest man of the SSS, having tasted the sweet nectar of hope, only for it to turn sour in his mouth as he tripped over an Icarus rock. Some choice matchups favor Mamba this time out, though.
Mamba wins, covers the spread.
2020 Li Cup: #9 Chicago Gunslingers (-6) vs #10 daddy’s boys
TOILET BOWL 2020. That’s like the worst of the worst. That’s like being one of Pigeon’s nose hairs, or Daddy’s favorite boi.
What you all want is for me to say “Daddy will come from behind to achieve glorious victory,” but boys, this year is not the year for hope and wishes.
Guns covers the spread.
1–800-SAD-DADDY
2020 SSS Championship: #1 Dead Pigeon(-5) vs #3 ICARUS: From Dawn til’ Dusk
This smacks of anticipation. Finally, a final not dripping with Plow or Mamba. A final for the people. A final you’d like to really sit and watch.
The hot-as-tar Icarus has risen at the right time for once, to face our mentally unstable but dependably insane Bird Person.
You might be asking yourself (as I have) “when will the Icarus luck run dry? Will it be against me this weekend?” And for the last few weeks, you have been wrong. You stupid, stupid boy.
This weekend, with Robinson questionable, Pigeon is asking himself the same question. And yet Keenan Allen continues to look squiffy, as he did last week when he nearly threw Pigeon’s game as a healthy lad on the sideline.
I’m calling it here, be so warned:
Icarus Wins the 2020 SSS championship.
I don’t like it any more than you do, but there it shall be.
